Untitled.

You.

I am me when I’m with you.

But when you are consumed by toxicity you are not you.

You are a monster.

You are an asshole.

You are strong and you show me how much strength you give out.

I am nothing.

I am stupid.

I am ugly.

I am a moron.

I’m a dumbass.

According to you.

Your words take bites off my soul.

Your actions make scars I have to hide.

With pretty red bows and red lipstick no one will notice I am broken.

You have belittled me.

And I stand believing you.

You created the new me.

The one that is scared.

The one that believes that I am stupid. Ugly.

I can’t think any more.

I can’t feel anymore.

I can’t see anymore.

You’re consuming me inside and out.

You are your own person.

The one I love.

But when the toxic takes over I hate you.

I’m paranoid of you.

You’re loud.

Your strong.

Your unstoppable.

You’re the monster in my dreams.

The one that has become reality.

The one my grandmother warned me all along.

I’m in a cage.

I am a sad and weak human.

I can’t live.

I don’t know what to do.

But to wait.

But wait for what?

Change?

A third chance?

An open door?

A millionth sign.

Your game of next day apologizing has worn off.

I never meant to hurt you.

It was a mistake.

I’m sorry.

I’ll never do that again.

And yet here we are.

My eyes show me a familiar sight.

The one that has happened. Again. And again.

Thank you.

Thank you for destroying the strong woman I thought I was.

-L

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