Raising a child is already hard as it is. There may be books, the internet and even motherly advice but sometimes we don’t listen or it just doesn’t quite benefit us.
Although it was partially my fault, I was a single mother for a short period of time. With juggling work, school and my two year old I was ready to pull my hair out every night. To think of it, it made me feel somewhat more independent than what I thought I was. Early 20 something year old and having to come home to cook dinner for us made me feel very “adult-ish” I have to admit.
This blog isn’t about me though. (Finally huh, self-centered B I am.)
It’s about a woman. I won’t mention her name but I will describe her life.
As a young woman (around the same age I felt “adult-ish) she travelled from her home town deep in Mexico. She crossed illegally at 9 months pregnant so that her child would have a better life in the U.S.
And some life this young man has had, my now husband.
Back to her, she lived a very difficult life and endured a lot of bad luck. Now a mother of two, a man and a woman, I can’t help but to watch her and think of all those times she had. She has a very tough demeanor and she doesn’t smile much. And I get it, all those times I hear about sound horrid, but that doesn’t mean you have to live your life so bitter and judgmental. She lives a better life now. A roof over her head a good job and healthy adult children.
One thing I have a very difficult time coping with is that she lived to be a single mother her whole life. The so-called husband’s that she has had were only extra work for her as she was and has always been very independent. Now, growing up I only had tunnel vision on my reality. It was EXTREMELY difficult when I married my husband. You see I was used to seeing my mother and father growing up. They lived a pretty ordinary life and so I thought I would continue living the most ordinary life they did. My life was a routine, and I felt completely content of how I was raised but now I had a skewed way of viewing life.
As a young girl (I know, I said this blog wasn’t about me but then again it is MY page.) I would see my dad come home from work after my mother who was already preparing dinner. At 6pm every night we would gather at our dinner table and share our meal together. Never would I see my dad leave after he would get home from work, only if there was an emergency which was very rare.
To connect this with my marriage, my husband does not have a set routine or any sort of schedule for that matter. I have to admit it throws me off sometimes. His mother has depended on him for all the time he has been alive and at times it does irk me. Since she does not have a male figure to fully depend on, that responsibility falls on my husband. There are times when we are having dinner and she calls to tell him to drop everything and help her with an issue she has. It makes me think, “your son has a family of his own and he may not always be able to do so.” I can tell sometimes it bothers him as well but he’s always been such a good son that he wouldn’t dare tell her.
With our family growing it will only get difficult with her demands. We’ll see how both of us can learn how to manage our families.
Am I just being stingy with my husband?