It’s Halloween season!! My favorite time of year. It’s the time where it’s not so cold and not so hot. It’s just right! What better way to blog about a phobia than in the season of fear!
I’m a scardy cat and I’m not 100% sure if you all understood or if I even spelled that word correctly (Or if it even exists for that matter, it was underlined in red). I get scared easily but like everyone I try not to show my fears.
I remember a time during some mandatory workshop at my former job we were told to write down a list of our worst fears in five minutes. I had filled the whole paper in a minute.
One of my top fears written was “stage fright”. I HATE public speaking. Somehow when presenting something or just public speaking in general my mind goes blank and I begin studdering and just stare at all the eyes that are staring at me. It’s very nerve-racking to me.
During grade school I would ALWAYS volunteer to go first for any presentations. I took Speech as an elective my Freshman year of High school AND first semester of basics for college just to get it out of the way. Something about talking in front of a crowd that makes me feel so vulnerable and judged.
Now as an adult, I dislike talking in a group simply because after talking I usually think, “Why the fuck did I just say that?” I come off as a “bitch” or “shy” when I meet people because I’d rather not talk at all.
As a married woman I avoid all confrontation with my husband. Usually during an argument with my husband I stay quiet the majority of the time even though I’m the one that caused the spark of the argument. I’m dumb so I can’t really think on my feet and come up with a comeback or a reasonable explanation right away. BUT, the next day I’m sure to text him with my share of what I thought which is irrelevant by then because the argument was already over long ago. UGH! But at least it gave me some time to do some deep thinking and my text is as honest and logic as can be.
The degree I’m currently pursuing is Media Advertising and I honestly am happy with the courses I’m taking. The majority of the courses being communication. Little by little I’m letting go of the fear of speaking in public or just in general. My dream is to have a column in a magazine and to work at a fancy office. I love to write and hope/wish I get paid for it one day.
What’s your fear?